Stephen Witherden’s Website :: Esoteric

“I can see you’ve been working really hard” Sam enthused encouragingly, his sincere expression belying the truth: “you haven’t really worked all that hard till now, have you?”. I grinned sheepishly and took the compliment like the eager student that I am. It’s hard going, and slow going, but I am determined to succeed. “Jingle Bells” my new nemesis, “She’ll be comin’ ‘round the Mountain” my stretch goal.

Being able to play the piano has always been a latent goal of mine but it’s always been something I’ve left in the “I’ll do it later” bucket. I picked it up recently out of necessity: I need to know how to read music in order to join a good choir. Once started, however, piano has become something of a goal in and of itself.

I guess that having a gym instructor has taught me the truth of the platitude: you’re never too old to learn. I know more about biceps than I ever really expected I would need to know. Another truth is that you learn far easier with instruction. I’ve taken to getting lessons for things I’m not so good at so that I can improve. It really does work.

Sam (my piano instructor) and I have discovered that my wrists are all bent out of shape from my keyboard at work: so out with the old keyboard layout that has served me well all my life and in with the natural keyboard I have shunned until now. I have even started finishing work on time so that I can have time to practise. Like anything that requires a modicum of discipline, this piano playing goal has started having a positive influence on other areas of my life.

The video below shows my progress at playing “sailor’s hornpipe”.

As my friend Peter Mason once said “a breakup always puts me in an existential mood”. These last two months after the breakup, especially over my birthday, have got me thinking: what is my purpose in life and when will I know that I have achieved it?

That’s how Ecclesiastes starts. It’s a pretty reasonable conclusion.

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“Sawubona umfaan, wena usaphila na?”

My subconscious registered the formal Zulu greeting and the response came unbidden to my lips.

“Yebo, ngisaphila, wena usaphila, na?” I surprised myself by how much Zulu I know.

“Yebo, ngiyabonga, umfaan”

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It was two weeks ago, late Friday afternoon and I was just putting the finishing touches on a spreadsheet or some such when my phone buzzed angrily. I don’t know why I hate the sound of my phone no matter what the ringtone is. I guess I just don’t look forward to phone calls. “Ally” it announced in bright white letters. I’d better take this.

“Hi Ally” I said in my most cheerful voice.

“Hi” the voice on the other end was quiet, small and unassuming. The voice of a person who is used to slouching just a little to avoid looking conspicuously tall. The voice of someone used to being in the background, trying not to rock the boat, used to barely being seen.

“I got a letter from my father”

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“Do what makes you happy, Stephen, but don’t do those…. one night stand things… that just makes me frightened” My grandmother’s sound advice. Now, though I have been figuring out how relationships work for quite some time, and though I often go to gay bars. I have never, ever, ever “met” anyone at a bar, let alone experienced that all-to-common “one night stand” phenomenon. That is, until last Thursday. Please don’t read the rest if you don’t want to!

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I knelt there beside his prone body, his mouth was open at an awkward angle that matched his position on the ground. “God, help me, God help me” he managed to squeeze the words around his tongue, his eyes rolling back into his head out of pain… or perhaps it was fear.

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I met five friends far out in the wood
Rabbit, Eyeore, Owl, Piglet and Pooh

“My friends” I exclaimed
I’m so glad you came
How fares this evening for you?

“Been busy” said Rabbit
“Been thinking” said Owl
“I’ve always just been” said Pooh

“I am angry” moaned Eyeore
“I am worried” squeaked Piglet
“I suppose I just am” mused Pooh

So, Rabbit dashed off in a hurry
Owl’s mind had already flown too
Eyeore slunk under covers
Piglet followed the others

But…

“I’ll stay here with you now” said Pooh

I love New Zealand. It’s my country of choice, I considered myself a New Zealander within a few months of arriving here and I am pretty sure it will always be my “home” even though I don’t plan on living here forever. Still, I have to admit to a little kernel of unpleasantness in our society that has been receiving quite a bit of attention lately.

Those of you outside New Zealand probably haven’t heard about Paul Henry. Well, I hadn’t heard much of him either, but he’s a TV presenter for our breakfast TV show and he has a habit of saying stupid things for laughs. He recently stated on national TV that our Governor General (the person who represents the Queen as head of state) doesn’t “look” or “sound” like a “New Zealander”, despite the fact that the GG was born in New Zealand and has a long distinguished history of serving the country. The reality is: it was a racist assumption that a Fijian Indian didn’t represent “New Zealand” since he, frankly, wasn’t white.

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A controversial new study from a researcher in Christchurch New Zealand shows that if you are a single parent, your kids are 10% less likely to be gay. If you remarry and raise a child with an opposite sex step parent, then the chances of the child being gay are halved compared to if the child was raised by its biological parents.

You didn’t hear about that? Oh I suppose you only heard about the bit where gay people were more likely to have been abused during childhood. Well, I have actually read the study and actually understand the stats and I can tell you why you didn’t see my headline above. It’s because that finding didn’t fit in with the world view of the researchers running the study, so they chose to gloss over it. After all, we all know that divorce and the “breakdown of family values” is the cause of all the ills in the world and, homosexuality being an ill, it can’t possibly be that single parents or different-sex step-parents are less likely to cause gays, can it?

What’s going on? Is this study giving the wrong answers or is it asking the wrong questions? I argue it’s a bit of both.

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As soon as you get off the plane it hits you: it’s like walking into a sauna. No, it is walking into a sauna, in just about every sense. Sweat begins to muster on your brow as you succumb to the humidity; the air is dense with it. Breathing is just that little bit more difficult and movement is slower too.

“Aaah,” I exclaim, soaking in the atmosphere, more literally than normal.

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A few weeks ago I ended up in Brisbane on a conference.

I wish I had written a long, engaging story about my experience, including the sights and sounds of the South Bank in Brisbane, the Queensland Art Gallery, the worst Mohito ever concocted and catching up with my friend Michael who I hadn’t seen for about a decade, but I’m afraid I am running out of time before my next overseas trip.

So, instead, here are some of the pictures I took of beautiful Brisbane. I would like to make special mention of the Lone Pine Koala sanctuary, though, where I met and was able to hold a koala!

A few weeks ago, at the end of October, I took a nice long trip down the length of the North Island from Auckland to Palmerston North to go to my Boss Llanwyn’s Halloween party. On the way down, I spent some time with my friends Chris and Charles.

Now, Chris and Charles have a special place in my heart: they’re the first gay couple I’ve ever known, they got married (civil union, whatever) during the time I’ve known them and they’re living in what can be described as relatively domestic bliss in Taupo. In many ways, they give me hope. It’s always a great pleasure to spend time with these guys. This time was especially fun because Charles and I indulged in the Huka falls jet ride.

Now, the Huka falls jet is much like New Zealand’s infamous shotover jet. You’re in a jet boat, hydroplaning in a very narrow bit of water. I have to admit, it kind of reminds me of a video game, but far more fun and realistic. I highly recommend it, though you’re likely to get wet

In order to celebrate Sarah’s imminent PhD graduation and International Speak like a Pirate Day, a bunch of us got dressed up as pirates and had a bit of a party at our place.

Not much to say except that we all had a great time. More pics are available by clicking the link: International Talk like a Pirate Day pics.

Friday 18th September was Loud Shirt Day. To contribute, I bought a cheap white shirt from the Warehouse along with some fabric paint from Spotlight. I then spent about 4 hours on Thursday night making my own tribute to Loud Shirt Day.

You can see a time lapse video of how I made the shirt by clicking on the link: Loud Shirt Day time lapse.

This past Saturday Daniel (we call him “Step” for reasons I don’t really understand) along with Sebastian were celebrating their simultaneous birthdays. Step wanted a formal cocktail evening, all dressed up with a proper bar, finger food and a cocktail menu of his own devising. I’d like to think it was somewhat my influence because he knows how much I like to mix cocktails.

We were all under strict instructions to dress up and I was asked to man the bar. I was a little apprehensive at the possibility that I might bump into Spaz, since we haven’t spoken in some time. That said, I was excited about the prospect of bartending.

I arrived early, at around 3pm to help make the cocktail food. They’d built a bar for me! When I say “built a bar” one of the guys (an engineer) had literally constructed a free-standing bar out of spare wood, rustic, but sturdy and functional. They had even bought all new glassware. There may not have been more than one and a half teaspoons in the whole place, but they had more than enough martini glasses for a formal function.

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I know, I know, I haven’t written anything. I could use the excuse that “I’m busy” but it doesn’t seem to be a very satisfying one. I hope to write more soon. In the meantime, avid reader, I have been playing with time lapse photography from my balcony. Behold, this is what I see every evening, if I look through the sliding doors towards the harbour:

Ports of Auckland Sunset

I’m always on the lookout for a new cocktail recipe. New tastes come up in the most unlikely contexts. For example, after choir on Monday evenings I usually go to a bar called “The Grange” in Ponsonby for a drink with the other choir members. This bar has a drink I’m really fond of called a “Coco Spice”. It involves Chilli infused Vodka and Creme de Cacao.

I have to admit that after trying Chilly Vodka, I have become kind of obsessed with this idea of infusing alcohol with all sorts of interesting flavours. This picture shows three of my recent experiments (from left to right): Vanilla Vodka, Fruit Whiskey and Cinnamon Vodka.

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“You should come to the Beca Ball” Sam insisted in that demanding, almost pleading way he has about him. I rolled my eyes. “It will be fun, and you can have us over for drinks beforehand”.

“Oh, all right.” I conceded reluctantly. “I suppose I could convince a guy to dress up in drag…”

“Or you could invite Theresa, I’m sure she’d love to come”.

Thus began many weeks’ worth of cajoling before Sam could convince me not only to buy tickets to my work ball, but to ask Theresa (a mutual friend) to come along as my “date” and to have everyone over to my place for drinks beforehand.

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Wow, I haven’t written anything in quite some time. Isn’t it always the way that when life is most interesting you don’t have time to reflect!

Anyway, last week I had a fantastic little holiday to the South Island for a week. This is the first time I spent more than a few hours in the South Island, so I made the most of it!

I plan on writing a whole lot of words about it, but for now, I am just excited to get my pictures out. Here is a link to the collection of pictures for my Southland Holiday.

I’ll post detail later. In the meantime, I have a number of panoramic photos I am rather proud of: (more…)

I was keeping it under my hat for a while, but now that it’s official I’m pleased to report that one of my photos is being used for a stamp!

Details of the stamp issue are available here: Auckland Harbour Bridge 50th Anniversary stamp issue. Mine is the $1.00 stamp. I didn’t get paid for it, but the idea that in 100 years time someone will still be collecting these stamps, maybe even the first day cover with my name on it, well, you can’t put a price on that.