Stephen Witherden’s Website :: Gay

One day before my 30th birthday my granny Cynthia recently turned 84. The last 4 years of her life have been spent looking after her dying husband, so now that he’s passed away, she’s at a little bit of a loss. Life’s been hard these past few years and it’s been a bit of a struggle for her and her family. She travelled here to New Zealand for Christmas, to spend time with the family and, deep down, most of us are thinking this is probably the last time she’ll get the chance.

I walked up the driveway, arms laden with presents. My father, his family and my grandmother were all staying with a friend of his in Hamilton. I entered the lounge. Granny was in the kitchen, of course. I snuck on in and presented myself to her.

“Who’s that?  … Stephen!”

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ACC, it sounds like some sort of city council, doesn’t it? Truth be told it’s a community of faith. An organisation of gay Christians dedicated to serving the needs of gay Christians in New Zealand, whatever those needs may be.

For me, the need was quite great back in 2005 or so. I was in a “questioning” phase in my life. It’s interesting that both gays and Christians use this term “questioning” to refer to a time in one’s life when you’re questioning the assumptions you’ve lived under so far. It’s a phase where you step outside your comfort zone and take a risk (some call it a leap of faith) in order to grow as a person.

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This actually happened a fortnight ago, but things have been rather busy lately so I have only been able to relate this story now.

To those of my readers with delicate sensibilities, I apologise in advance for the subject matter. To cut to the chase, this weekend was pretty gay. I always knew it was going to be quite busy for me, but it became unexpectedly so. Just so you know, there’s nothing that I would consider rude or sexual in this post, but you might see the word “gay” a lot. I have changed names to protect the mortally embarrassed.

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Relationships are always complicated. Sadly, though, I think mine are a little more complicated than average. My father tells me that I suck at relationships about as badly as he does. Still, this genetic disadvantage doesn’t stop me from trying, over and over.

The day after our romantic dinner in the reunion tower’s revolving restaurant, I took Stephen to church with me. Strange place to take your gay date, you may think. I thought he needed to be introduced to some loving, welcoming, caring Christian people who wouldn’t judge him, no matter who he was. Ironically, though, I was nervous of judgment myself. You see, Stephen looks younger than he actually is. And he already is quite young. I feared what people (even gay people) might think of me.

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It’s been a while since I’ve posted and I’m sorry about that, I guess life truly does get in the way of the Internet sometimes. I have been meaning to write a really nice detailed post about what’s been going on in my life but I have always put it off because the thoughts were never quite ordered in my mind. Since so many people want to know how things are going I have decided to just force it out in a kind of stream of consciousness, I hope it makes some sense.

This morning, I awoke at around 6am to the sound of my phone buzzing pleasantly on the kitchen counter. I have never received an early morning call that bodes well. I staggered to the phone and answered. It was my mother, she’s worried about me. I have been worrying so many people with my silence.

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This story is about a little foolishness I recently indulged in. Now, foolishness is not a particularly unusual story for me. That said, this is a somewhat unusual situation for me to be in. You see, quite recently, I have been wooed by a young suitor. The rational realist in me knows that the relationship will probably never work out. Still, the hopeless romantic in me wants to see what happens anyway and is enjoying every moment.

You see, it’s not every day I get to go on dates. I just hope I don’t end up hurting him, or myself. There will be more stories posted about this topic, but so as not to offend the sensibilities of some people, I am only linking to the story here. You won’t find it in email subscriptions or in RSS feeds, only from this link. If you don’t want to hear about my sordid love life, please, don’t click on this link.

Part of the Vegas experience is being constantly accosted by people trying to sell you something. Sometimes it’s a scruffy looking man in jeans and a T-shirt trying to sell you line passes to a club or half price tickets to tonight’s shows. Other times it’s a man dressed primly in a suit and tie, behind a desk at the hotel, inviting you to come over and see his specials in the most foreign of accents.

Sarah and I soon realised that neither Mr. Jeans nor Mr. Suit were really offering us anything we wanted. One afternoon, as we walked into the Venetian (on our way to see two of my favourite shows: Phantom and Blue man Group) we were confronted by a tall man in a suit with a distinctly Scandinavian accent.

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I apologise for yet another “gay” post. This will be the last for a while, I promise, but given the referendum in the US and the recent law change in South Africa, I thought it was timely.

In a recent referendum, 8 American states recently voted on constitutional changes to “protect” marriage. Only one state did not pass that referendum. The vote in most states was pretty emphatic and overwhelmingly: “yes, protect marriage by making it only between a man and a woman”.

Why? Most gays wonder why other people feel so strongly about our private lives that they feel they should make new laws specifically preventing us from legally legitemising our existing monogamous, long-term relationships.

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Ok, so Ted Haggard’s been all over the news and, in my arrogance, I feel like I have something to say on the matter.

What? You don’t know about him? Well, I guess maybe it’s only big news here in the US, or maybe only big news in Christian circles.

Essentially, it’s a story of a man, just a man. A man who (it turns out) has been living with a big secret his entire adult life. You see, from the current evidence, it looks like he’s gay. “Huh” you say “that’s not a problem, some of my best friends are gay.” Yeah, true. I agree, I don’t have a problem with him being gay. I know many gay people, and I consider myself gay. There’s nothing wrong with that.

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I was discussing the problem that religious people face when confronted by homosexuality. I was discussing it with someone who could be considered a fundamentalist who was actively lobbying against gay rights.

Now, of course, I am pro-gay and I believe that one can explain away the apparent scriptural condemnation of homosexuality in much the same way as we explain away things like pork, women speaking in church and having long hair. Still, it is quite valid (and even necessary) for a Christian who still feels homosexuality is wrong to be able to still express their Christianity in the way that they feel is most appropriate.

I started thinking about what the scriptural answer to this would be. Here is my highly biased response to her.

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We had a security briefing on Friday. Basically, explaining to us that most of the stuff we’re working on has been or will be classified and even that stuff which isn’t shouldn’t be bandied about. Not only should we keep information from spies (who look like Russians) but we also have to keep this information from everyone else as well. So basically I can’t talk about anything. Now, if I was the sort of person who likes keeping secrets I would be really chuffed about that, but really, I love talking about my work, so keeping mum is kind of sad, it really is very interesting work…

We started talking about security clearance. My clearance is still being worked on (hopefully will be done by the time I am finished). One of the guys mentioned that back in the day, being a “closet gay” could have caused someone problems when it came to seeking security clearance. I blushed visibly.

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Last weekend (September 1 - 4) I went down to Austin for a bit of a holiday. It turned out to be a very memorable trip, not the least because my timing was serendipitous. This post is a long one about how I discovered that Austin is, in fact, quite gay. The image on the right is of Stephen F Austin. The father of Texas and the man after whom the state capital was named.

I had just had a long day, a very long day. For reasons I may elaborate on elsewhere, I had been driving for 8 hours non-stop. About 4 of those hours had been spent getting from Dallas to Austin, in itself a 192 mile trek.

My eyes were starting to close involuntarily as I took the turnoff to my hotel. Thank goodness it was easy to find. The Holiday Inn is a place that I trust implicitly since I have been to their branches in other parts of the world. After parking in the temporary parking space I walked up to the counter and “bing!” the gaydar goes off.

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It was coming up to my fourth weekend in Dallas. I had achieved all of the goals I had set for myself pretty quickly, there was just one big one remaining: I was determined to socialise with other gay people of around my own age (or generation). My experience at church had been disappointing, I really needed to get out of my comfort zone and start meeting new people.

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